my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
