you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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