i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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