I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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