Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
