I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
