oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
