You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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