I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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