Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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