I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We got so high we made milksteak
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
