Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
