sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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