I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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