Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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