Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
