so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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