are you still at the devil's house?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
