Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
