Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
