dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
