he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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