Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
