Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
