you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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