The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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