I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
