my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
