he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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