So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
