I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
