Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
