when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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