i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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