last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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