Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
