Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
