My underwear smells like fireworks.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
how does that bad decision feel?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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