You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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