Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
