I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
