The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
