he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
should my penis look like a turkey
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
