my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
