sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
