It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
