i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
