Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I AM VODKA MAN
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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