I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
