OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
